independent and unofficial
Prince fan community site
Wed 22nd Jan 2020 6:31pm
Welcome! Sign up or enter username and password to remember me
Forum jump
Forums > Prince: Music and More > Husband/wife/spouse getting annoyed ..at you?
« Previous topic  Next topic »
  New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
Author

Tweet     Share

Message
Thread started 04/30/16 10:07pm

saviour7

Husband/wife/spouse getting annoyed ..at you?

Since the late 80's to early 90's to the present I've been a prince music lover and have admired his resilience and he's rebellious stands. He has served as an inspiration to me then and now.Musically..religiously and spiritually he has pulled me through some Very very low points ..years in my life,so I guess it's no surprise that I am still beyond devastated and to boot all these media stories and claims and theories are just making it even harder.Im not one to stop who I am or how I feel I try to remain as true as I can bearing all my faults ..But I'm at a point now where i feel as if I am being rushed to hurry up and get over this and "get a grip".."get over it or I won't be here for this"which are leading into I wouldn't say arguments but tension and leaves me in tears and feeling completely alone..I'm not looking for sympathy and I don't want to be here like this but I feel this place is the only place i feel warmth. It's been so horrible to go through this..it's just not what I need how can I help it if I'm still hurting ..I can't just switch it off which leads me to feel why should I have to? I'm pretty nervous about posting this I'm hoping I don't get too harsh a comment. Anyone else experiencing similar situation?
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #1 posted 04/30/16 10:24pm

Thizz

saviour7 said:

Since the late 80's to early 90's to the present I've been a prince music lover and have admired his resilience and he's rebellious stands. He has served as an inspiration to me then and now.Musically..religiously and spiritually he has pulled me through some Very very low points ..years in my life,so I guess it's no surprise that I am still beyond devastated and to boot all these media stories and claims and theories are just making it even harder.Im not one to stop who I am or how I feel I try to remain as true as I can bearing all my faults ..But I'm at a point now where i feel as if I am being rushed to hurry up and get over this and "get a grip".."get over it or I won't be here for this"which are leading into I wouldn't say arguments but tension and leaves me in tears and feeling completely alone..I'm not looking for sympathy and I don't want to be here like this but I feel this place is the only place i feel warmth. It's been so horrible to go through this..it's just not what I need how can I help it if I'm still hurting ..I can't just switch it off which leads me to feel why should I have to? I'm pretty nervous about posting this I'm hoping I don't get too harsh a comment. Anyone else experiencing similar situation?

That's rather petty of your partner


  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #2 posted 04/30/16 10:27pm

artist76

avatar

Yes, I wouldn't say "annoyed" - I just know that my family's done with hearing about it. That's why I'm on here so much the last few days, just like you. I see there's a lot of people like us who are not "over it."
But, I'm starting to notice the usual negativity of the org slowly creeping back in, so I think I'll probably step away from here soon for a while too.
But for a good week or so, it was all sympathy and support and good things to say about Prince.
I'm glad it's here and hope it continues.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #3 posted 04/30/16 10:35pm

Purpleone4Eva

Yep.... He does not get Prince at all and suggested it was time to "let it go."

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #4 posted 04/30/16 10:42pm

Poplife88

avatar

Definitely. Other half thinks I'm mad that I'm still mourning. But I am. I still can't believe it he's gone. sad
We're gonna need a bigger boat
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #5 posted 04/30/16 10:42pm

bashraka

Not everyone were Prince fans when he was live and won't be Prince fans after his death. I think the grind of everyday life is enough for people to go through and the overwhelming press coverage of Prince's death even for me as a fan has been too much. I emphathize for all Prince fans but I also understand how non-fans feel-for them, life goes on.

3121 #1 THIS YEAR
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #6 posted 04/30/16 10:57pm

FUNKNROLL

I was asked if this was a cult.

That said, your other half does sound somewhat controlling. I refuse to let anybody dictate a schedule for my grieving. I realize life does go on, and my fandom isn't something a lot of people share. It's important to not camp out in my sadness, fall into chronic neglect, AND expect others to understand my prolonged distraction/absence.

Moving on will require new experiences and your friends/family will help you acquire those. I just hope they find better words to communicate their own needs.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #7 posted 04/30/16 11:32pm

luv4u

Moderator

avatar

moderator

rose

Edmonton, AB - canada
Mod Goddess of the SNIP & BAN Making Moves - OF4S
Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture!
REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince
"I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #8 posted 04/30/16 11:42pm

delinquent

avatar

I'm single but I have a friend who was also a big fan, so we grieve together. It's easier to do it if you're not being judged. I'm still posting photos on social media. If people stop following me over Prince photos once a day for a week, I won't miss them. As we've learned, time with people we cherish is short enough, so why waste any of it on people who don't matter?

It's not right of your husband to criticize your grieving. I'm not sure how to handle it other than asserting your right to your feelings.
This is the only kind of love
That I've been dreaming of
The kind of love that takes over your
Body, mind, and soul
Love to the nines
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #9 posted 05/01/16 12:14am

mikeyaddict

avatar

Love Saviour. hug yeah. My wife got tired of me after 3 days - tho she did allow me to get pissed and play videos and tunes none stop. But then the impression was, this has to stop and what are you doing. That's fine tho - she's a little different from me and grief is different for many of us and her experience of it is more matter of fact having lost family members.
.
Prince got me through a lot. Being short and brown and having curly hair in quite a white city - someone to identify with and then my go to guy. Like many hear since I first discovered him (at 13) I listened to him every day and had albums and songs for moods and times.
.
The org has been invaluable - it's sad that he had to pass for us to start loving and celebrating him and one another. And I'll accept I've been twatty on several (million) occasions. I've also had a couple of friends I've shared memories with (one a tolerant björk fan) - but also some Facebook pages where there's much love and care.
.
At home I'm having to hide it as much as I can - but as I mostly listen to P anyway I can get away with a bit.
.
Sending my love out to you all Purple Family. We're not going to forget but we can celebrate, share, listen, care and love. Xoxox
Comin str8 outta Preston...
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #10 posted 05/01/16 12:21am

KingSausage

avatar

I've made my wife a Prince fan over the years. She's nowhere near the fan I am, but still. She's been great to me since Prince. Shit, she even suggested we watch Graffiti Bridge! I said no thanks, id rather grieve in other ways. lol
"Drop that stereo before I blow your Goddamn nuts off, asshole!"
-Eugene Tackleberry
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #11 posted 05/01/16 12:39am

Rimshottbob

Her offering that? That. Right there. That is true love. You hold onto her, she is surely a keeper!

KingSausage said:

I've made my wife a Prince fan over the years. She's nowhere near the fan I am, but still. She's been great to me since Prince. Shit, she even suggested we watch Graffiti Bridge! I said no thanks, id rather grieve in other ways. lol

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #12 posted 05/01/16 12:40am

firebird319

i am feeling very self-conscious about how i just keep fixating on the circumstances and getting emotional about it, either despair at his having been alone or anger about the same thing. i have mostly stopped talking about it, keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. this, despite knowing my partner will be totally supportive if i open up about it, even if he does silently think maybe i should be starting to "move on" by now.

the other thing i keep thinking of has to do with Prince's having kept such a thing (whatever that turns out to be) to himself. it's a helpless feeling knowing now that he was likely in quite a lot of pain in one way or another, and seemed to be trying to convince everyone (perhaps even himself) that he was fine.

i guess i'm just afraid of seeming wackadoo to others for continuing to be upset at this awful tragedy, although it seems to me like the only compassionate human response.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #13 posted 05/01/16 1:00am

ZombieKitten

avatar

No he's crying too
I'm the mistake you wanna make
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #14 posted 05/01/16 1:03am

saviour7

I'm overwhelmed by all of you taking the time to comment.Thankyou all so much it has been comforting to hear the echoes of each of you beautiful people.I wanted to reply sooner but I was lost for words and honestly I'm in place of silence now and it's been hours and hours of loneliness.I don't really have any friends now as it stands far too many snakes in my life to turn to & family has always been a rough track. I'm truly grateful to you all for giving me a moment of love and care & offering support when you are all going through pain too. It's funny because the people that are faintly in my "life" would always turn to me support and I wouldn't hesitate to give but it seems in the darkest of nights..this is when the light shines true. I'm lost and will be trying to find my way,for now I'm going to listen to the music that has saved me and let my heart float and the tears fall. Thankyou all so much xoxo
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #15 posted 05/01/16 1:16am

Thizz

Nobody else should tell you how to feel or dictate how you feel

However . . as women you take on the role of emotional leadership in a relationship. Whether you like it or not your emotion sets the tone for you and your partner. So an extended

You're going to need to communicate with your significant other that you are grieving, explain how much Prince and his work meant to you. Assure your partner that you will be getting over it eventually but for now you just don't know how to take it

Music we listen to plays such a huge role in our life, losing someone you've been listening to and truly admiring for decades can be just as hard as losing a family member. What if your parent or family member had died. Would this be the type of reaction you would expect from your partner?

Really what I'm reading in this thread is unacceptable

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #16 posted 05/01/16 1:46am

NinaB

avatar

Not this time no, I'm alone with this so can cry etc anytime. When my Mum made her transition in '08 tho i was with someone who was shall we say not very nice. My grieving couldn't really start until I left him a yr & a half later. Best 4 U 2 grieve now my friend. hug
"We just let people talk & say whatever they want 2 say. 9 times out of 10, trust me, what's out there now, I wouldn't give nary one of these folks the time of day. That's why I don't say anything back, because there's so much that's wrong" - P, Dec '15
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #17 posted 05/01/16 1:47am

mikeyaddict

avatar

hug heart to all the Purple Hippies.
[Edited 5/1/16 1:48am]
Comin str8 outta Preston...
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #18 posted 05/01/16 3:24am

airth

avatar

For most of us, this is a big moment in our lives. It shouldn't be something that needs to be rushed. I guess that many of us are old enough - and experienced enough - to know that we'll eventually arrive in a place in which we can accept was has happened, look back fondly at our memories of Prince, and simply enjoy the music again. But it's going to take time. How much I don't know, but I do know that a little over a week is hardly enough.

I've always been pretty good at blocking things off in my mind. As a result, my wife really has no idea what I've been through and how I'm feeling at the moment. But that's OK. I don't expect her to be able to understand what Prince meant - still means - to me. I'm not sure I even understand it myself. I think that being compelled to put on a front actually helps me to heal. If I were left to my own devices, the possibility of spiralling into depression would be all too real.

Like many others, I'm dealing with my grief by sharing it here. It's just too bad we can't all magically meet up and support each other face to face. Even so, it's really helped to read about other people's experiences. Perhaps this is the only place that people can be honest about their feelings without being ridiculed. I'm thankful for that. You're not alone, saviour7.

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #19 posted 05/01/16 3:34am

novabrkr

I had trouble explaining to my gf why I didn't really want sex during the first weekend after his death. To be honest, I still need some time off to just listen to the records and listen to the videos, before I'm able to go out partying with her on the town, or anything like that.

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #20 posted 05/01/16 3:38am

Robbajobba

avatar

Went out for dinner with my wife last Saturday. She's not as big a fan as I am, but she likes him. We started talking about favourite songs, how we got into him... both ended up in tears. Not our best date night. sad

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #21 posted 05/01/16 3:49am

Aerogram

avatar

KingSausage said:

I've made my wife a Prince fan over the years. She's nowhere near the fan I am, but still. She's been great to me since Prince. Shit, she even suggested we watch Graffiti Bridge! I said no thanks, id rather grieve in other ways. lol

I'm sure it's her secret ploy to get you to end your post-death hero worship phase by reminding you the man could do some terrible things as an artist.

This is one very very smart woman, congrats on being so well married! smile

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #22 posted 05/01/16 3:54am

vjh

avatar

Thank you for posting this. I think we will start to process his death better when the autopsy report and reason for his death is known. We're in limbo at the moment. Hang in there. I'm only able to deal with this in stages and taking it in small steps helps.
2xMaybe3
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #23 posted 05/01/16 3:58am

TheEnglishGent

avatar

Rimshottbob said:

Her offering that? That. Right there. That is true love. You hold onto her, she is surely a keeper!

KingSausage said:

I've made my wife a Prince fan over the years. She's nowhere near the fan I am, but still. She's been great to me since Prince. Shit, she even suggested we watch Graffiti Bridge! I said no thanks, id rather grieve in other ways. lol

Nah, that's the offer of a woman who knows the terrible depths of Graffiti Bridge and is hoping that the realisation that not everthing Prince did was golden would help Sausage get over it quicker. Smart woman lol

*edit* just read aerogram's post. This is what happens when I reply too quickly. But hey, great minds and all that. biggrin

[Edited 5/1/16 4:02am]

RIP sad
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #24 posted 05/01/16 4:11am

Lianachan

avatar

I'm lucky. Without Prince music, my wife and I may never have got together. She's been coming to concerts and after shows with me for years. Decades. She's been watching the clips on YouTube ever since she heard the news.
"Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge"" ~ Isaac Asimov
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #25 posted 05/01/16 5:47am

Guitarhero

MY gf has been a sweetheart , she has again proved her love for me with understanding how hard this hit me. Don't get how a partner can be nasty over this to others here. Am sure others none Prince fans would just laugh like they do when a pet animal of yours dies too. It seems some partners expect you to get over it after one day? Wait till there idol passes or someone important to them. sad

[Edited 5/1/16 5:50am]

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #26 posted 05/01/16 7:43am

KingSausage

avatar

You all are some smart MFs. I would normally agree, but in this case she legitimately actually wanted to watch Graffiti Bridge. It was weird.


TheEnglishGent said:



Rimshottbob said:


Her offering that? That. Right there. That is true love. You hold onto her, she is surely a keeper!




KingSausage said:


I've made my wife a Prince fan over the years. She's nowhere near the fan I am, but still. She's been great to me since Prince. Shit, she even suggested we watch Graffiti Bridge! I said no thanks, id rather grieve in other ways. lol



Nah, that's the offer of a woman who knows the terrible depths of Graffiti Bridge and is hoping that the realisation that not everthing Prince did was golden would help Sausage get over it quicker. Smart woman lol

*edit* just read aerogram's post. This is what happens when I reply too quickly. But hey, great minds and all that. biggrin

[Edited 5/1/16 4:02am]

"Drop that stereo before I blow your Goddamn nuts off, asshole!"
-Eugene Tackleberry
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #27 posted 05/01/16 8:41am

LittleMissStra
nge

I think my entire facebook friend list is annoyed by me and my Prince posting every single day now. I have like posted 4-5 videos, photos ect of Prince a day. Hardly get any comments or likes on them, but then again not many Prince fans on my Facebook. They must be very annoyed by me by now! But my mother is the greatest she even bought some lavender flower seeds for me yesterday for me to grow a lavender flower for Prince in the garden.

A little thing but I hadn´t even thought about that, found that so sweet. Sometimes its your closest ones who care how you feel when your favourite musician dies. She was also the one who called me up saying Prince had died and I thought it was a joke until I saw it was true on the news.

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #28 posted 05/01/16 9:02am

spastic78

I met hubby after my Prince obsession had dwindled to mere desire in 2001. But hubby saw me dance to Prince's music and knew that I entered another world when Prince's music played. Hubby would say that The Most Beautiful Girl in the World song was made for our daughter and me. So when I told him the news he knew how deeply I hurt; He also considered Prince the best guitarist in history so he's enjoying watching Prince's skills on YouTube as I mourn. Hubby was a Deadhead and I was a R&B/Rap/Soul when we met but developed an appreciation for Prince through him. I feel sad for anyone who doesn't have a supportive spouse for despite my supportive hubby I'm still super sad that many former friends who enjoyed Prince with me are no longer part of my life. I guess that's why Prince recently advised, "Make friends 4life"
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #29 posted 05/01/16 10:17pm

redpumps

avatar

Thizz said:

Nobody else should tell you how to feel or dictate how you feel



However . . as women you take on the role of emotional leadership in a relationship. Whether you like it or not your emotion sets the tone for you and your partner. So an extended



You're going to need to communicate with your significant other that you are grieving, explain how much Prince and his work meant to you. Assure your partner that you will be getting over it eventually but for now you just don't know how to take it



Music we listen to plays such a huge role in our life, losing someone you've been listening to and truly admiring for decades can be just as hard as losing a family member. What if your parent or family member had died. Would this be the type of reaction you would expect from your partner?



Really what I'm reading in this thread is unacceptable



Agreed....well put beautifully explained ... : )
Smiling Makes Joy Come Alive........and Joy can never die .........yes
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
  New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
« Previous topic  Next topic »
Forums > Prince: Music and More > Husband/wife/spouse getting annoyed ..at you?