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Thread started 08/07/12 7:08pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

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The one that got away...

We all more than likely have one person in our lives that we felt true feelings for, but for some reason it didn't pan out.

That's my story.

A few days ago I ran into a guy I haven't seen in over a year. A year ago, I was in an infatuation of sorts with him, back in my undergrad days. He was an older guy (in his thirties), and he was everything I wanted in a man. Unfortunately, I couldn't have a relationship with him because I was moving and he had established his own career at my hometown college. That was my logic.

But I think my biggest mistake was..I didn't tell him how I felt. I was younger, and very scared. I didn't know how he'd take it if I told him. I just know that I can't tell him now...he's got a girlfriend and they're talking about getting engaged.

Anyways...I saw him again...and I thought I had gotten over whatever feelings I had for him, but they came back with a vengence. It's heartbreaking to see him with another girl, having the relationship I wish I could've had with him...but at least he has someone who cares about him.

How does one get over the one that got away? Does it take time? Or do those feelings just stay with you forever? sad

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #1 posted 08/07/12 7:18pm

nursev

Truth is time does make it better, but the feelings are always there just put away. That's all I can say comfort

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Reply #2 posted 08/07/12 7:29pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

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nursev said:

Truth is time does make it better, but the feelings are always there just put away. That's all I can say comfort

I guess this guy will forever be my Ashley Wilkes.. neutral

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #3 posted 08/07/12 7:47pm

LadyCasanova

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Sometimes I think it's better to enjoy that feeling everytime you see that person than to

have it not pan out anyways.

"Aren't you even curious? Don't you want to see the dragon behind the door?"
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Reply #4 posted 08/07/12 7:58pm

kiasheri

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comfort comfort comfort comfort comfort

I want everybody 2 make it in2 PARADISE!!!!!!!
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Reply #5 posted 08/07/12 8:11pm

prittypriss

The feelings will always be there, in some way. And there will be times when those feelings will verge on resentment.

I have a similar situation, except "the one that got away" happens to be a good friend, so I see him with his g/f all the time and he's unhappy with her, too, but he tries to make it work. I hear all the little gory details about his unhappiness and I'm wanting to tell him, "leave her!" but I can't. Instead I tell him to open up to her completely, to talk with her, to tell her how he is feeling and what he wants and needs. And the entire time, I'm burying the pain and the tears so he can't see them. He doesn't know I have feelings for him. It's hard but you'll get through it, one moment at a time.

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Reply #6 posted 08/07/12 8:41pm

smoothcriminal
12

For every one that got away, there's always another one waiting there for you! smile

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Reply #7 posted 08/07/12 9:42pm

nursev

These things kinda make me sad sad

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Reply #8 posted 08/07/12 9:50pm

artist76

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ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

nursev said:

Truth is time does make it better, but the feelings are always there just put away. That's all I can say comfort

I guess this guy will forever be my Ashley Wilkes.. neutral

There's the answer to your question "how do you get over 'the one that got away'?" - Ashley loved someone else, NOT Scarlett. She kept thinking they were meant for each other, but the reality was that Ashley and Melanie were meant for each other and she was just in love with what Ashley represented.

If this guy is with another woman, then maybe he's not for you, and there's a "Rhett" around the corner for you.

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Reply #9 posted 08/07/12 10:20pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

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artist76 said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

I guess this guy will forever be my Ashley Wilkes.. neutral

There's the answer to your question "how do you get over 'the one that got away'?" - Ashley loved someone else, NOT Scarlett. She kept thinking they were meant for each other, but the reality was that Ashley and Melanie were meant for each other and she was just in love with what Ashley represented.

If this guy is with another woman, then maybe he's not for you, and there's a "Rhett" around the corner for you.

This is brilliant.

I never really thought about it that way...but it certainly puts things in perspective. Thank you so much. biggrin

hug

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #10 posted 08/07/12 10:21pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

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grouphug to everyone who offered advice and comforting words. You're the sweetest people and I love you all. heart smile

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #11 posted 08/07/12 10:34pm

artist76

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ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

grouphug to everyone who offered advice and comforting words. You're the sweetest people and I love you all. heart smile

Your welcome - it's always easier to give advice than to take it. I've felt what you felt, and it's hard, especially when I see his updates on FB, I still get a small pang of regret for my "one that got away," and I'm happily married!

You have to remind yourself - don't let "Rhett" get away by pining over "Ashley"!

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Reply #12 posted 08/07/12 10:36pm

nursev

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

grouphug to everyone who offered advice and comforting words. You're the sweetest people and I love you all. heart smile

hug

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Reply #13 posted 08/08/12 5:56am

PurpleJedi

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LadyCasanova said:

Sometimes I think it's better to enjoy that feeling everytime you see that person than to

have it not pan out anyways.

hmmm

Interesting....

By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory!
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Reply #14 posted 08/08/12 5:57am

PurpleJedi

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nursev said:

Truth is time does make it better, but the feelings are always there just put away. That's all I can say comfort

yeahthat

By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory!
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Reply #15 posted 08/08/12 7:16am

JustErin

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I don't believe that the feelings ever go away, they just get a little easier to deal with after a while....especially when the feelings are mutual and you know you love each other but for whatever reason you can't be together.

I'm dealing with that now and it's extremely hard, but I'll be ok in time....and so will you.

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Reply #16 posted 08/08/12 8:46am

Beautifulstarr
123

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As the saying goes "If you can be with the one you love, then love the one you're with".

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Reply #17 posted 08/08/12 9:13am

PurpleJedi

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Beautifulstarr123 said:

As the saying goes "If you can be with the one you love, then love the one you're with".

Do you personally believe in that?

By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory!
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Reply #18 posted 08/08/12 9:49am

Beautifulstarr
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PurpleJedi said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

As the saying goes "If you can be with the one you love, then love the one you're with".

Do you personally believe in that?

I know what the saying means, but I also look at it as saying she can move on and love more than one person in her lifetime. Would you agree she can? If it's meant to be, it will be.

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Reply #19 posted 08/08/12 10:08am

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

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JustErin said:

I don't believe that the feelings ever go away, they just get a little easier to deal with after a while....especially when the feelings are mutual and you know you love each other but for whatever reason you can't be together.

I'm dealing with that now and it's extremely hard, but I'll be ok in time....and so will you.

I figure they will. I don't know if he felt the same about me, but he seemed to at the time. All I know is I really did care a great deal about him and had I the chance, would've given my all to make things work.

I'm sorry for the situation you're going thru. My heart goes out to you, Erin... comfort hug

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #20 posted 08/08/12 10:31am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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Time is all you really need.

I don’t pine over any crushes or exes from my youth. I have an ex or two that at the time I thought I could never possibly get over it all but, eventually I did. Time takes care of most of it, and finding a new partner REALLY helps. Nothing like a new love to get over an old one, or so the saying goes. Certainly there are people who will always have a place in my heart but that’s all it is anymore – a small little place.

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Reply #21 posted 08/08/12 11:07am

PurpleJedi

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Beautifulstarr123 said:

PurpleJedi said:

Do you personally believe in that?

I know what the saying means, but I also look at it as saying she can move on and love more than one person in her lifetime. Would you agree she can? If it's meant to be, it will be.

I dunno.

That saying confuses me.

"If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with"

Basically - to me - it implies that if you can't land the person whom your heart is pining for, then settle for the one that you are physically with.

OR

You could take it to mean that you should LEARN TO LOVE the person who is at your side.

But then...as the O.P. is struggling with...HOW do you move on when your heart is still invested in someone else???

dead

By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory!
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Reply #22 posted 08/08/12 11:14am

Beautifulstarr
123

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PurpleJedi said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I know what the saying means, but I also look at it as saying she can move on and love more than one person in her lifetime. Would you agree she can? If it's meant to be, it will be.

I dunno.

That saying confuses me.

"If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with"

Basically - to me - it implies that if you can't land the person whom your heart is pining for, then settle for the one that you are physically with.

OR

You could take it to mean that you should LEARN TO LOVE the person who is at your side.

But then...as the O.P. is struggling with...HOW do you move on when your heart is still invested in someone else???

dead

It can be confusing lol , but as a few have stated, let time heal the wounds. I agree nod

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Reply #23 posted 08/08/12 11:15am

SupaFunkyOrgan
grinderSexy

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There is only one person from my past I pray to one day reconnect with. His name is Jack. We dated for 6 months during the darkest days of my life and I would love more than anything to be able to tell him what that experience meant to me at that time.

2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740
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Reply #24 posted 08/08/12 7:36pm

ZombieKitten

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It's weird how I don't pine for any guys that I've actually had relationships with, just the 2-3 that I never got to have one with lol I think my imagination can paint a rosier picture than reality ever could. I'm sure if I heard them snore, fart, making passive-aggressive remarks and dressing like a hobo I'd get over them much easier nutty

I'm the mistake you wanna make
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Reply #25 posted 08/08/12 8:15pm

PurpleJedi

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ZombieKitten said:

It's weird how I don't pine for any guys that I've actually had relationships with, just the 2-3 that I never got to have one with lol I think my imagination can paint a rosier picture than reality ever could. I'm sure if I heard them snore, fart, making passive-aggressive remarks and dressing like a hobo I'd get over them much easier nutty

lol

nod

By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory!
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Reply #26 posted 08/08/12 8:59pm

ZombieKitten

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PurpleJedi said:

ZombieKitten said:

It's weird how I don't pine for any guys that I've actually had relationships with, just the 2-3 that I never got to have one with lol I think my imagination can paint a rosier picture than reality ever could. I'm sure if I heard them snore, fart, making passive-aggressive remarks and dressing like a hobo I'd get over them much easier nutty

lol

nod

hug

I'm the mistake you wanna make
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Reply #27 posted 08/09/12 10:57pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

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Okay...so lately ever since I saw him again, I'm thinking about him again. This is really bad. neutral

I gotta stop this. I think the reason this is happening is because I never got acknowledgement of my feelings. I mean, I really don't expect him to do or say anything to make me feel better, but it would feel great to hear him say he knows and accepts it. That would give me some form of closure and I can close the book on it for good.

It's a shame though I'll probably never see him again, as my vacation time is almost over and I'll be leaving to go back to school. In time I hope to forget and be done with it...

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #28 posted 08/10/12 12:09am

Analyst

nursev said:

Truth is time does make it better, but the feelings are always there just put away. That's all I can say comfort

I agree with this. But at the same time, I kinda think too that really there is no such thing as the one that got away, that if you were meant to be with them, you'd have ended up with them in the first place.

I think everything works how it's meant to.

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Reply #29 posted 08/10/12 6:52am

lauralevesque

Unfortunately those feelings will stay for awhile but they do eventually go away. I had a guy who was "the one that got away" and I pined for him forever, finally, though, it dwindled and then about 15 years later (as in a few months ago) I googled him and my once, lithe, handsome, J.Crew wearing poet- is now middle aged- chubby, balding, and all in all, goofy looking! smile I'm now officially over him. smile

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